Hitched

    No offence to Vaugh and Owen but Nigerians invented wedding crashing! We will use the flimsiest excuses to attend a wedding. Anything from false kinship, neighbourship and even a claim that we were friends in primary one (First grade). This behavior should boggle the rational mind but it uses the get out jail free reason that is:

‘Weddings are like raves!’

    The one you miss is always inevitably, the one for the ages. People will continue talking about how much awesome junk they scored (Nigerians give their guests gifts), ate the best food and danced till dawn in comfortable heels, met their future wives/husbands, cured cancer… you get the picture?
    The inconvenient truth is the Nigerian weddings like all weddings are just plain inconvenient. Terrible music (a constant clash between the old school band to please the parents and a cool DJ who keeps getting cut off…Yeah DAD I’m talking to you), the awkward place settings to create even more awkward situations where strangers (read crashers) arguing that they are friends of the groom from his bank but have never actually met. The food is always:
    a. cold
    b. tasteless
    c. strange
    d. undercooked
    e. overcooked
    f. d. & e.
    g. late
    h. all or none of the above.
    When it comes to nuptials, the Nigerian population does not RSVP. They however get very offended if they are not invited (even if the last time you met was on the 1st day of primary one) They like to play fast and loose with the concept of gift giving. They may not get the couple an actual present but lots of people will leave the wedding thinking how generous Mr& Mrs So&so is based on the lovely towel set they received branded with the words ‘Wedded bliss to Babs&Ken forever! Curtsey Mr& Mrs So&so’
    Nigerians love to party. When they can get away with it, a wedding is preceded by:
    1) The introduction (which was traditionally were the families meet but these days it includes half a million of your closest friends in matching gear in what is actually a prelude to the engagement party)
    2) The engagement (the traditional wedding, more matching outfits, lots more music, food, shouting old women and the dowry which inevitably includes a pregnant goat… I think to symbolize fertility)
    The richer the family the bigger the events. People begin to tag on and invent events: the wedding shower, different from the hen night, a western style engagement party, the bachelor party, the party party, the post-wedding-bachelor-party etc. Still, you’ve gotta love Nigeria because in spite of all this countless people continue to get married and countless more continue to attend. It is not uncommon for young people to get dressed and go prowling for a wedding party, recreationally, I guess, this Umpteenth time is the charm!
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2 thoughts on “Hitched

  1. you neglected to discuss the aso ebi (matching outfits) that the bride n groom like to impose on their invited guests! however, u gotta admit, we nigerians sure know how to throw a party!

  2. Lol @incoherent ‘Incoherent’ is definitely an appropriate name for you because if you actually read the whole article (which you didn’t) it would have become clear to you that she addressed what you so carelessly accuse her of neglecting and I quote, “The introduction (which was traditionally were the families meet but these days it includes half a million of your closest friends in MATCHING GEAR in what is actually a prelude to the engagement party)” she actually addresses it twice! second quote “The engagement (the traditional wedding, MORE MATCHING OUTFITS, lots more music, food, shouting old women… ” and as for your last statement “u gotta admit, we nigerians sure know how to throw a party!” I agree we do like to throw parties but unfortunately the standard of which is relative..

    P.s. I love you Yem! Great Article..

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