Kajola : friendship killer

A movie review of sorts.

    When I moved to Abuja last year, I knew few people and so in the name of making friends I took a chance on an acquaintance and I have been too traumatized since then to tell the story that lead to the question. Is Nollywood* reason enough to end a friendship?

    Hell to the YES! Anyone who takes you to see a Nigerian film this bad is not a friend but a fiend. End of story. This “movie” and I use the word lightly claimed to be the next step in Nigerian innovation. Some unholy being dared to use the words “Nigerian Inception” (………………………………………………………………………………….that is the sound of millions of gag reflexes failing)
    A step back is still a step, this was more like a big old, rocket-fueled powered leap backwards. Some have called Kajola trailblazing, as a result I’m now convinced that trailblazing refers to setting yourself on fire and running away. I dare anyone who survived the screening of this movie to disagree. This Nigerian 130 million Naira CGI film has managed to set the standard for #epicfails everywhere.
    The movie was based in the worse case scenario of Nigeria’s future, populated by idiots and graphics so bad they must have been generated by the future PHCN (This kind of failure is their legacy). The heros carried light-sabers that lacked the decency to light up or make a sound… basically they were duct tapesabers and were used in an epic battle of who looked dumber. This movie also gave birth to quiet possibly the biggest plot hole in the history of plot holes. I sometimes think I fell asleep and the resulting nightmare is my memory of Kajola (Sadly for the producers of this hot mess, my dream and nightmare graphics have been known to kick ass and astound everyone within a ten mile radius. This did not happen therefore, it was not off my own concoction.
    Asking for my time back is too little, I want interest! Interest for the time spent planning to go to the movie, as well as the phone credit used, the taxi fare and definitely the time spent watching the movie and a little something something for my pain and suffering, not to mention my current blogging efforts. The best solution would be to get the doctor to take me back in the TARDIS to undo this but good luck finding him and convincing him to cross established time lines.
    In closing, You know who you are and if you haven’t guessed it, this is a termination of our friendship…wishing you the best, Hugs and Kisses, But remember to stay the heck away from me.
    Also worth hating are the sponsors of this travesty, I hope you are all ashamed of yourselves.


7 thoughts on “Kajola : friendship killer

  1. ahhhhhh.. written in true form. so will i be defriended if i asked you to watch “Ije” and give a synopsis? lol.. well, i saw a nigerian movie that lived up, at least, to lowered expectations. it was “araromire”.. maybe u should take a chance on dat. only a few gag reflexes should result.. lmao..

    • I know for a fact that in one sitting of “Araromire” the movie stopped and restarted somewhere else and after several rewinding and fast forwarding attempts the theater simply restarted the movie.With that history I’m not sure I want to risk my sanity.
      As for “Ije” the person who recommended it to me is also the same person who insists till today that “Shrek” should have become human at the end of the movie.

  2. Pingback: 2012: How is going to end? | Yamika's Blog

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