No more apologies

    I really don’t like apologies, this is my blog and if it is any reflection of me, readers should realize two things The author of this blog is fickle and thinks herself witty. I can’t really argue with perceived truth. I am fickle and I DO think to myself (more often than I suspect is normal) “WOW, I was kinda clever back there, wasn’t I”?
    If it helps when I promised to blog, I meant it. It was truth until I turned out to be a liar. Some truth from a liar, “Lying was not my intention, it’s just where I wound up.” I did…DO feel bad about it. (But only when I think about it, other times I’m hunky-dory) It might interest you to know, that while I was not blogging I was totally blogging.
    I abandoned my first love (WORDS), for an ancient mistress FOOD and for the latter part of 2013 I consorted with aprons and spatulas and fire. I know the world does not really need another food blog but honestly a food blog can be more rewarding. Even if I get no hits or comments on my page, I still get the pleasure of eating the food. In the words of George Bernard Shaw, “there is no love more sincere than the love of food.”
    Thankfully, I have an awesome sister. She reminded me how much I like words and asked why I couldn’t do both? She is crazy for suggesting it and I am crazier for thinking I can do it.
    So no promises this time, I’ll go on cooking but I’ll also look around for anything worth commenting on. If I find good, If not “C’est la vie”, “That’s life.”

    Right now I’ve resumed my love/hate relationship with Lagos. I missed it when I was away but now that I’m back …

we hates it


Kajola : friendship killer

A movie review of sorts.

    When I moved to Abuja last year, I knew few people and so in the name of making friends I took a chance on an acquaintance and I have been too traumatized since then to tell the story that lead to the question. Is Nollywood* reason enough to end a friendship?

    Hell to the YES! Anyone who takes you to see a Nigerian film this bad is not a friend but a fiend. End of story. This “movie” and I use the word lightly claimed to be the next step in Nigerian innovation. Some unholy being dared to use the words “Nigerian Inception” (………………………………………………………………………………….that is the sound of millions of gag reflexes failing)
    A step back is still a step, this was more like a big old, rocket-fueled powered leap backwards. Some have called Kajola trailblazing, as a result I’m now convinced that trailblazing refers to setting yourself on fire and running away. I dare anyone who survived the screening of this movie to disagree. This Nigerian 130 million Naira CGI film has managed to set the standard for #epicfails everywhere.
    The movie was based in the worse case scenario of Nigeria’s future, populated by idiots and graphics so bad they must have been generated by the future PHCN (This kind of failure is their legacy). The heros carried light-sabers that lacked the decency to light up or make a sound… basically they were duct tapesabers and were used in an epic battle of who looked dumber. This movie also gave birth to quiet possibly the biggest plot hole in the history of plot holes. I sometimes think I fell asleep and the resulting nightmare is my memory of Kajola (Sadly for the producers of this hot mess, my dream and nightmare graphics have been known to kick ass and astound everyone within a ten mile radius. This did not happen therefore, it was not off my own concoction.
    Asking for my time back is too little, I want interest! Interest for the time spent planning to go to the movie, as well as the phone credit used, the taxi fare and definitely the time spent watching the movie and a little something something for my pain and suffering, not to mention my current blogging efforts. The best solution would be to get the doctor to take me back in the TARDIS to undo this but good luck finding him and convincing him to cross established time lines.
    In closing, You know who you are and if you haven’t guessed it, this is a termination of our friendship…wishing you the best, Hugs and Kisses, But remember to stay the heck away from me.
    Also worth hating are the sponsors of this travesty, I hope you are all ashamed of yourselves.

Blackberry blues

    It’s been a while since I posted so I’ll try to make this quick. Everyone who knows me knows that I’ve got my heart set on the zombie apocalypse. However if I were a betting girl, my money would be on the robot apocalypse.

    Case in point. A couple of parents recently partitioned the board of their kids’ school to allow said kids to have blackberries (phone not fruit). The school had tried to ban the use of blackberries by primary school students on school grounds. For obvious reasons the school wanted to avoid the potential cheating and the all round distraction that the phones would cause. The parents claimed that their children would be unable to receive pings from their drivers at pickup time…#truestory!
    Is it just me or is the child factory pumping out dumber models? Let me just say that back in my day, we used a little something called eyes, topped with a little common sense. But hey, I guess it’s unreasonable to expect so much from primary school children who are capable of using BBs.
    I am not saying we have a national technology dependency. No, I am saying that when our robot overlords give us the option of new tech or oxygen, many will pick the tech. It is a well established fact that Nigerians operate on a frequency all our own. We will fight for the craziest little things. Yet we fail to realise that we have the right to something as simple and basic as electricity. Why is that? Why indeed.

    I got all existential and epiphanied while my blackberry slept with the fishes last month. Well mostly it was in a deep coma state for over a week. Somewhere between the shivers and the phantom phone dialing, I rebooted my actual brain and figured out how to use it…Again. I thought about how people got along before cell phones (that have caller ID, internet, GPS, aps, notepad, alarms, cameras, mp3 plays etc.) which it pains me to admit is totally in my lifetime. People need to realize that 1.) It is possible to get by and 2.) It isn’t all that difficult.
    I jotted down my musing, please learn them because the life you save may be yours.

    How to survive sans cell phone

    1.) Learn phone numbers [at least one] I didn’t know at least one person’s number by heart, which could have been a real problem if I was broke, lost and not among friends when my phone went awol.
    2.) Appointments can be written down on paper (Shocker I know)
    3.) Alarm clocks are just as good as cell phones and probably more effective at getting people up
    4.) Little notes can also be written on paper.

    All this paper might put a dent in our Nigerian policy to become a paperless society…Did you ask, ‘what policy?’… It’s only a matter of time before the government’s attempts at development take a turn for the coolness that is ‘Reduce, Reuse, Recycle’ #JustSaying.

    5.) This is absolutely important. Before the Grey’s-anatomy-season-finally-like events that lead to the Hail Mary resurrection of my phone (Which BTW was epic!). I trusted the first guy with a sign that says ‘blackberry repair’ and wasted precious hours on a fool. Needless to say he took me for a ride

    Not the good kind!

    He took me for my money

    “Your trackball was already broken when you brought it here”

    and he lost me my snitches

    I’m a journalist and snitches are my lifeblood. All my contacts gone.

    6.) Personally this experience taught me that BBs have extremely short battery lives and that TV cannot fill my BB void…maybe I should look into making human friends.
    If you have learnt anything from this post I suggest you backup your cell phones THIS INSTANT and occasional shutdown and rely on yourself. When the bots take over only the capable few will survive long enough to say… ALL HAIL OUR ROBOT OVERLORDS!