2am? Seriously?

    My fellow Nigerians, “I hereby move a motion that the senate should adopt I go dye (the Warri comedian) as the new president of Nigeria, until we get out of this comical stage”[ Bayo Omo-Akin on facebook] He may have a point. We have accelerated past the point of things I though were remotely possible and now reside firmly in Never-neverland!
    I was privileged enough to be in Abuja when His excellency the ominiabsent one returned. Allegedly! Under the cover of dark he was smuggled in were once again it was alleged that he walked on his own from his plane and then from his ambulance into his house. Like everyone else, I have seen no real proof of anything.
    Speaking personally, after such a pronounced absence the best thing would have been to manipulate the propaganda machine in your favour. Less undercover stuvves, for false bravado. He should have him greeted in broad daylight by some kind of military parade. If you are going to give people the run-around you should at least pretend to have nothing to hide. Now we no longer suspect, but know that he is involved in some serious cover-up (My money is on his absence being down to the amount of time it took his body double to recover from major cosmetic surgery. Clearly not a full recovery but enough to fool people at 2am in the morning)
    The twitter machine has since kicked into full gear with allegations of Goodluck intend to quit (please say it with me: From where to where?) Quit as what? VP or Acting president? Also this girl would like to ask, will the president face some kind of query concerning his absence? ‘My guess and I’m a pretty good guesser, NO, Nian, Nadda!’ and why should he, by my reckoning all this has not phased the masses. They will grumble but life is to busy going on. No one will line up for fuel for anyone who is otherwise concerned with political matters. The best we could get was a few minutes mention on CNN after the killer whale story and even that did not speculate on First lady Turia’s role in all this.
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Cry, my beloved country!

    With no more aftershocks occurring and fewer people being found alive, things may be stabilizing for Haiti. The 25th anniversary of ‘we are the world’ will ensure more finical aid towards the redevelopment of Haiti. A month since January 12th has seen aid workers and their aid out of the airport. All I can really do for them now is pray for more effective, even and timely distribution of said aid. This is all I can do mainly because I am in Nigeria. Within the first few days after the disaster I had received information on how to help. That was quickly rebutted as a scam. Since then other organizations have come forward but they all carry the stink of the first’s rebuff. No one will give anything till such matters are resolved.
    Besides we are busy dealing with our two great achievements of 2010. On the one hand we have managed to survive the longest fuel lines possibly since the opening of the very first gas station. On the other hand, we have yet another longest. The longest period of time a country has been ruled by a president who remains MIA. Like we knew he was not really an action guy to begin with but at least then we had a constant visual to confirm signs of life. On both matters I am waiting for the Guinness book of world records to get back to me.

    Rumors continue to circulate as his supports and critics continue to throw in their two cents. If he has been released from the hospital, why isn’t he back? why did the delegation of ministers who went to see him return without doing so? Amidst rumors that his wife has ascended the throne taken over his duties. The legal heir representative of the people Vice president Goodluck has finally gotten the all clear to assume presidential duties

    In all this the Nigerian people remain their muttering yet docile selves. Sure a murderous, religious rampage threatened to devour Jos, but no one seems to really care. After the Christmas incident everyone was quick to say how Nigerians are not terrorists, but what does it mean when we accept extreme abuse in our jobs and from our government who deny us our basic right, but rise up when religious tensions flare? I accept the fact that we need to pray for Haiti but someone, could you, please pray for Nigeria?

Top nine of ’09

    I wanted to send-off 2009 by listing ten things that impacted me. I started with five things I really hated about Lagos in ’09 but to prove that I am not all about hate I decided to maintain some sort of balance because, hey maybe Lagos isn’t all that bad (I’m pretty sure it is, but just roll with me). So I completed my list with five things I absolutely loved about ’09. Unfortunately my balance kinda got askew. Instead of five by five I ended up with six things I hated and three things that I truly loved (fine I kinda liked them) Hey Gidi will surprise you like that. So at the risk of sounding like Miley Cyrus’s Seven Things, where the number I advertised ten, is actually more like nine. I decided to just keep on writing. Here are my nine:
  • 1. Barack Obama, I know weird but its just what he stands for. When people in corny movies say things like ‘you made me believe in people again’, I can finally understand. So I’m taking my new found hope for change and applying it to LIGHTUPNIGERIA. If a black man can become the president of the United States of America against many odds, then crazy dreamer that I am will continue to believe that 24/7 electricity is around the bend for Nigeria.
  • 2. Nicknamed Fash, the current governor of Lagos has actually taken steps to improve our city. I am not just talking legislation, but things you can actually, touch and feel. Of cause people are saying he won’t get a second term, that because they are not eating the public’s money anymore. I pray that he helps Lagos beyond what we Lagosians think is possible.
  • 3. The NYSC 15 (This is the polar opposite of the Freshman 15) due to a lack of freedom, sanitary conditions and food of any nutritional value. I lost in just two weeks what I could never shake in my whole college career. (my mother is currently attempting to undo that)

    ON THE FLIP SIDE I REALLY HATED

  • 4. The fact that there is still no light. Seriously, within hours of a rumor guaranteeing light in 2010 the minster of power refuted it. If only he was just as effective in finding a electricity solution.
  • 5. The continuous inability of People to keep time, though time is money and it time be refunded, still it remains a shame that talking to other Nigerians about keeping time is just a waste of … well time!
  • 6. Our Christmas day terrorist. I just want to thank Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab for tarnishing our reputation. As if Nigerians were not already hated by airport and embassy personnel alike. Getting a visa now will be beyond difficult. Just looking at his stats many more people now fit the terrorist profile.
  • 7. People remain unfair, you have to be someone before anyone cares. This becomes more and more clear to me when I continue to witness things like religious issues and ethnic prejudices that are purportedly on the way out. Try finding a job based solely on your qualifications in an industry were you ethnic group are in the minority and see what happens.
  • 8. To simply say ignorance, would be to undersell my point. My sister witnessed a sick child (she suspected he was one year old at the most) being bath in cow dung and blood in Abatoir market right here in Lagos. Worse than that the culprits were acting under the medical suggestion of a traditional healer and no one seemed even a little bit bothered by this
  • 9. Political unrest particularly rumors relating to President Yar’adua. I seriously lack the words. But I found an online dictionary helpful. Despair defined as a verb: To lose, give up, or be without hope e.g. to despair of humanity. Insert Nigeria between ‘of’ and ‘humanity.’ After getting over my depression I remember that I can still choose to be an optimist and that’s why I’m still here.